Let's talk about farts! - LiquidASS France

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When we started this company we called it LiquidASS France because we only sold LiquidASS and BARFume. In 2019, we added KwiZZine and Merdique to the range however, these were products we created whereas we imported LiquidASS and BARFume from the United States. Thanks to the videos that LiquidASS users in the USA have posted to YouTube, LiquidASS has always been our most popular product. If people were uploading videos of their exploits with Merdique, we are certain it would become equally as popular, and as I love talking shit, allow me to explain why.

Despite their different odors, both are sold as Fart Pranks. Yes, we say that LiquidASS resembles dog shit while Merdique reminds us of pig's excrement but the reality is they are not physical stools, they are just odors. In this respect, we can categorize them as farts.

Both these products are excellent. Some say that Merdique is too strong and that LiquidASS is perhaps somewhat more socially acceptable but a person's sense of smell is subjective. For example, have you noticed how you have little problem subjecting yourself to the smell of your own farts? Can you say the same for everyone close to you at the time you break wind? I have to say the REAL reason why LiquidASS is the most popular is due to the amount of publicity it has enjoyed, and of course, if its sales far outweigh those of the newcomer, Merdique, then the amount of customer testimonials it receives will be infinitely greater too.

Experience to date has shown that many of our LiquidASS customers who purchased Merdique have returned to order it again, and again, and again. It is doubtful they would do that if it didn't live up to their expectations.

Am I trying to say Merdique is better than LiquidASS?
NOT AT ALL! They are both Fart Pranks with different odors. What I am trying to convey is that the farts of all living beings will change according to what has passed through their intestinal tract, or as dieticians like to say "We are what we eat." If we consume meat, fruit, vegetables, or dairy products, they will ferment in our intestines thereby producing a variety of gases which, once expelled via the anus, tend to be rather unpleasant to our sense of smell. It matters not that they don't smell identical because when others breathe them in, the resulting emotion will invariably be disgust and that, dear friends, is the goal of our products ... to reproduce that WTF moment leading to uncontrollable laughter!

I have a question for those customers who believe LiquidASS is a socially acceptable prank. Please tell me what is socially acceptable about the stench of a fart that resembles a dog turd, regardless of where you spray it?

FACT: provided the odor genuinely smells like something that came from your sphincter, it will NEVER be socially acceptable! 

It is with regret that I have to inform you we will soon be out of stock of BARFume and this is likely to be permanent. Current stocks of LiquidASS are coming from another retailer which explains the higher price. In November last year (2019), I attempted to place a new order with the Americans. They never replied. A second attempt was made but still no response. Finally, I wrote asking what the problem was and how we could resolve it? This again resulted in total silence. And that is why once the current stocks of LiquidASS and BARFume are finished, we will feature them as Out Of Stock and eventually remove them completely.

That said, the manufacturer of our other products will create a new product for us similar to LiquidASS under a new brand name. It will be equally as good although the odor may not be 100% identical. However, as already covered, the goal of a great fart prank is to disgust its victims and, as our farts are never the same, it doesn't matter if there's a slight difference in the smell. All that matters is that the product is non-toxic, stinks really bad, and lasts as long as LiquidASS. That's a formula we already know we can achieve.

BARFume has never been one of our better sellers so we have chosen not to replace that for the time being. We may do so at a later date, unless the Americans decide they want our business again.

If you are one of our long-standing customers, you already know our commitment to the quality of our products and your satisfaction so please rest assured that our LiquidASS replacement will not disappoint you. In the meantime, Merdique does a fantastic job so there's nothing to be gained by waiting for the new product to arrive.

If you are a new potential customer who has seen the LiquidASS videos on YouTube or on our site, we promise you that buying Merdique instead of LiquidASS will be like buying a BMW instead of a Mercedes. Both are really good and guarantee a positive experience. You might ask "Is LiquidASS worth the extra money?" The best answer to that is to try them both so you can come to your own conclusion.

Q. If you will not be offering LiquidASS anymore, will you change the company name?
A. No. The name LiquidASS France has been registered as an official trade mark.

Q. Will you ever sell LiquidASS and BARFume again?
A. It is not us that cut-off communication. Should the Americans decide to renew business relations with us, we will happily sell those products as they meet our goal of 100% customer satisfaction.

Q. Why was no mention made of KwiZZine in the above article?
A. KwiZZine's odor is truly obnoxious but it is not a fart prank.

Q. Is Merdique really stronger than LiquidASS?
A. Our sense of smell is subjective. For one person Merdique may seem stronger. For another, it may not be. As a plant-based formula, its strength comes from the type of plants used allied to the fermentation process. Look at it this way; if one person ate chicken, after fermentation the gas he releases will give a certain smell. If another person also consumed chicken but added curry and chilli spices, the gas he releases would likely be more pungent.

Q. Will you replace BARFume with something else?
A. A couple of totally new horrific perfumes are currently in development. We cannot tell you what they are nor provide a timeframe for their completion but yes, we are working on something for release before the end of this year. Masterclass subscribers will be the first to be notified.

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